Condemnation is not the best approach and neither is being silent

Around 2018, I was sadly complaining to my friend, Sketer, I did not have enough savings because I felt I was wasting money. Confused, he asked me: “Do you have a job?”, “Do you have a girlfriend you send money or buy recharge card frequently to call?”, “Are you bearing any financial responsibility?” I said no to everything including to other questions. He told me emphatically I did not have savings problem.

Isn’t it interesting how we look at ourselves and conclude that we have a problem? We do not stop there: we insist we are a problem. Many times, nothing is wrong with us. You applied for a job, did your best, and sadly it did not work out; then the next thing you say is it’s because you did not pray enough. You broke up with two people and immediately you start seeing a pattern, like how? Is that not what they call fallacy of hasty generalisation?

I think that like ruler which can measure distance but not how far someone can go for you; height, which can be a criteria for being a basketball player but not a yardstick for how great a person would be; so I deem emotions as something that can tell our moods but might not be a good yardstick for determining the correctness of our judgement. A few times in our lives, we need third-party perspectives on personal issues we are already drawing conclusions.

There are times we ask ourselves questions and what we are seeking is reassurance; and other times, what we are seeking is revelation. However, I think starting with condemnation is not the best approach and neither is being silent: it does not signify peace. I know it’s good to be our own worst critic but it’s also good to have a system to empower ourselves against the disempowerment we are wreaking on ourselves with negative thoughts.

Getting a different perspective on an issue does not mean we are incapable. Rather it means we are truth-seeking. There is a liberation that comes with that.